What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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