I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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