is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
