a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just cut my nipple shaving
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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