I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
