i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
