ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
