dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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