don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
