so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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