We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
