Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
