i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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