Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm passing your future prison.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize