I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
