Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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