i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
