she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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