I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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