ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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