I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
