i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
