you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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