my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
