dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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