guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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