You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I love you.
Bad choice
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
