Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
