All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
