hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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