Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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