i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
