I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Randomize
