If i come over, it means nothing
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
how drunk are you?
Several
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
