Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
