My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
