All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
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