Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
This baby is an asshole
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
