my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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