the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
