mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
