but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
