i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize