Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
