Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
