she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
