Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
