I'm so fucking centered right now
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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