I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
