singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
