Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I will be naked everywhere
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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