Define "chronic" masturbator.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
