that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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