Non-Jews are for practice
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I stole a fireplace last night.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
