i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
