The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize