There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
