BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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