i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
