Whod you bang
She said her name was "party"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
