based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
