this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
