Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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