tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
