you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
