the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
