I puked a lego.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
