i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
