the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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