sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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