I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
