my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
