I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
