He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
